Gardener's Nightmare

Upon waking this morning, I peered out my window into the pouring rain, searching for a glimpse of the trap placed at the edge of the yard, by the garden. Did I catch another varmint last night? My first night of groundhog trapping was a success, but perhaps the victim's brother is smarter. In vain I attempted to make out my object. I wonder if he's in there? I wonder how he's doing in this deluge, unable to take cover? I am known to take fits of anger over my poor violated "babies" in the garden, but I also have a soft spot for living creatures. I was happy to try a more humane method of extermination before begging a shotgun. My garden terrorists this year are young ones, and really kind of cute close up. So in the goodness of my heart I wonder if I should go out in the storm and carry the cage to a drier place. Ahhh, no. My bed wins out. Back to the pillow goes my head, snuggle in, listen to the rain lash the house....I'm back at the window. The rain has subsided. There is the trap, and he is in there! But what on earth? Who is this hulking creature on the other side of the prison wall? Oh no, its.... Mama Groundhog! Unbelievable... have you ever seen a bear-sized groundhog? Well, let me tell you, I have. And it's slightly intimidating! What should I do now? Her baby's in my trap and Mama's mad! She's looking for a way to spring the captive...I'd better get out there and... what? Okay, think about getting out of bed. I can do this. It feels like I'm fighting through thick mist, but I'm getting out of bed. I'm thinking about how I should dress; it's a wet mess out there. Take another peek out the window... there are two of them! Dad showed up, bigger than life! I'm starting to wonder if my mission is such a good idea. I need a plan. What if bear-size means bear-ferocious too? I've dealt with bears before, oh yes. In fact I was chased by one just the other night and successfully fended him off with not much more than my bare hands! But I need to find a baseball bat...or something. No harm in being prepared for resistance. These guys do have some pretty serious claws. Daddyhog is running around in the yard and I will likely have to meet him on my way out. So I slog through the mush of my brain and rummage around in the garage for the bat. What else can I arm myself with? I've seen battle scenes in movies where the hero fights with a sword in each hand...not a bad idea. I'm envisioning scenes of glory in my head right now. What about one of those wood stakes. Yeah, just let me think. Keep looking. Now I'm back at the window. I've got to hurry; time's wasting. What now? This looks like Revenge of the Garden Stalkers. They're stomping around in my garden, they're tearing it up with their claws... they're destroying it! I have to stop them, now! I can't seem to put feet to my thoughts. Rummage around some more, check out the crime scene again. But alas.... no signs of life in my backyard. Only a ripped trap, some other torn junk, and a desecrated garden. They're gone? All this work to psych myself up for attack and they're gone? Just like that? They've left me with nothing but destruction and I can't even get revenge? This is horrible! This is the worst thing that could ever happen to a gardener. Okay, somebody get me a gun....I'm still lying in bed. What is my problem? Oh, what tragedy! I should have gone out in the storm and brought the stupid thing back to the house before the Avengers showed up! Why didn't I listen to my instincts? Okay girl, come in to reality. Are you conscious yet? Wait a second...maybe it was all a dream? Long sigh....letting out all the tension...can you feel my extreme relief? Can you guess what's been on my mind lately?!!! By the way, groundhog number 1's brother.... he's smarter.