One Who Knows

Now I am going to do something extraordinary and write two posts in one day! This is me trying to make up for lost time. We ought to be compelled to share what God is showing us, but to be honest, most of the time I keep it to myself. I have found, though, that when I share these treasures with someone else, it multiplies the positive charge in my own heart. God's Word has so much to say about telling God's wonderful works and publicly praising Who He is. That is our testimony: what we have seen and heard, what Christ has done for us. A blog can be a great way to spread His fame!

As I have been recently faced with my own utter depravity and so often swimming in that filth, unable to see past myself, God is gently and persistently opening my eyes. I've had days where I just went off by myself and cried, feeling overwhelmed by the belief that nobody really has a clue how much I'm hurting or could understand why if I tried to tell them. That is the most lonely feeling on earth: that no one knows or understands my pain. I recently came across this awesome poem by John Newton, the man who wrote Amazing Grace.

I asked the Lord that I might grow in faith, and love, and every grace
Might more of His salvation know and seek more earnestly His face
Twas He who taught me thus to pray and He, I trust, has answered prayer
but it has been in such a way as almost drove me to despair
I hoped that in some favored hour at once He'd answer my request
And by His love's constraining power subdue my sins and give me rest
Instead of this, He made me feel the hidden evils of my heart
And let the angry powers of hell assault my soul in every part
"Lord, why is this?" I trembling cried. "Wilt Thou pursue Thy worm to death?"
"Tis in this way", the Lord replied, "I answer prayer for grace and faith".

This helped me to know that my situation is not so unique; others have known this darkness; Newton certainly did. But do you know what God spoke to me? Someone greater than Newton has known my darkness. "Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed." Is. 53 I have known these lines by heart since I was a little girl. But they never hit me like they do now. What did I know of grief and sorrow as a child? I never imagined the pain within could be so great. I was blind to the depths of my own wickedness. I used to think I knew the answers and I had it made! But now, to hear those words about Jesus...He felt every agony and torment of my sin in its entirety, and He carried it willingly. He received the wounds so I could be healed. He entered the darkness of separation from the Father so I could know His love and joy forever. He became sin so that I could become the very righteousness of God! Oh, to forever hide myself in those wounds! They are my wholeness and my life. He knows. It was all for love. You and I do not walk this road alone.

How could I ever say thank you, when the whole of this life's not enough
Though I offer each breath back in worship, it never can match your great love!

How could I ever repay you; you laid aside heaven for me
You came to the earth its Creator, incarnate, to set sinners free

So great are your ways, such encompassing grace
Love that reaches beyond each defense
Your mercy disarms the most broken of hearts
Such complete and profound faithfulness

How could I thank You?

From the album I Belong by Katherine Scott

His Answer

Hi faithful readers, whoever you may be! I'm sorry I am such a bad blogger. :( Sometimes it is hard to see anything in my life worth writing about. The rest of the time I come up with ideas, but it is hard to take time out of life to think it out in proper form. But there is still life in blog-land! I have been on this blog for a year now! Amazing! It was started in order to share the story of how God worked out my trip to Rwanda and the experiences I had there. Mostly it has been a way to share a few of my deep thoughts and perceptions of life. Granted, there is plenty of great writing fodder I have passed up, but one can only do so much blog reading anyhow.

A while back I shared a poem written from the depths of personal darkness. I'd like to share another poem I wrote a few weeks later as God's answer to my soul cries. I'm still riding the roller coaster in my soul, but God is so amazing...He does this time and time again. He never abandons me to the mud in which I'm wallowing. He always shows me hope and He longs to bring me out of the mire and set my feet upon a rock. Oh, I am slow and mule-headed, but we are getting there!

"The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me. Lord, Your love is eternal! Do not abandon the work of Your hands." Ps. 138:8

Freedom

Freedom! Is the cry of the One who died for me
Fighting for my soul as He writhed in agony
He said, I'd rather die then live without you, my beauty
Freedom! Give me My beloved from the jaws of death
Break the chains that bind her helpless to the lie
Freedom! I will overcome! Such was His battle cry
Make straight the path to her heart
Let My light and love flood every corner
Nothing shall ever tear us apart
Freedom! My jewel is worth all costs
Vanquish every enemy that shall ever lay claim to her heart
I have paid the bride-price
She is Mine, all Mine
Freedom! See, my love, who you are!
Take my hand, dive deep
Remember my love
You are Mine and you are free
Let go; you can trust Me
Freedom! Is the echo that fills all eternity

Take a moment to imagine Him hanging on that cross between earth and heaven, time and eternity. It was for you He died. Realize what that means. Over 2,000 years before you existed, He knew your name, saw your face, and knew the story of your life from beginning to end. He knew you, saw you, and loved you as He hung there gasping. He felt every sin you would ever commit. And He negotiated the ransom for your freedom right there in that eternal moment. His cry for you is Freedom! And the power of that cry is holding on to your life right now. Take hold of Him.