Just wanted to share my new favorite song today. Sometimes I find a song that expresses so well what my heart feels. This is Restless by Audrey Assad.
You dwell in the songs that we are singing,
Rising to the heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart
And I'm restless, I'm restless
Till I rest in You, Till I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
Till I rest in You, Till I rest in You
Oh God I want to rest in You
Oh speak now, for my soul is listening
Say that You saved me, whisper in the dark
Cause I know You're more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
You are the keeper of my heart
Still my heart, hold me close
Let me hear a still, small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry
And I'm restless, I'm restless
Till I rest in You, let me rest in You
Oh God I will rest in You
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
The Coming One Is Here
Can I just share a few things on my heart today?
Advent.
Our God coming into our mess to walk and hurt with us. To show us His heart. To rescue us.
This season. Anticipation of His coming.
How many of us rush through this time with little regard for the hope it holds, never taking time to rest, to wonder, to breathe, to know Him?
Do you have a way to stop and draw close to Him as you celebrate the waiting for His coming? I'm reading The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp. It's a brand new book for Advent from the author of 1,000 Gifts, which, by the way, is a totally awesome book....if you haven't heard of it, I highly recommend it as a read for the next year! This new book helps to take the message of 1,000 Gifts deeper. Into the very heart of the Giver who became the Gift. It features a short reading for each day in December....like a breath of fresh air.
It starts with God's intention from the beginning of Creation to come and rescue His wandering children. As we move through the unfolding history in the Bible, we find this promise woven throughout all of it....that out of the stump, out of the dead, out of the smoldering ashes....there will come a shoot of new life. A Savior. A Redeemer. A Child. God Himself with us. We watch as He unfolds this plan through promises, prophecies made and fulfilled....shadows of a greater coming....through generations of those He had chosen to reveal Himself to the whole world.
I just read about Abraham. How God told him, "I will bless you and make you a blessing."
"Only when you first unwrap the gifts of blessings to you can you be wrapped up as a gift of blessing to others. Only when you are overwhelmed with the goodness of God can you overflow with the goodness of God to others. And that is the blessing God graced Abram with, the blessing He graces you with this Advent, the gift that makes you a gift. The greatest gift God graces a soul with is His own presence."
from the Greatest Gift
These past few weeks, God has found me stressing over things He told me not to worry about. Desperately needing rest. Questioning His trustworthiness. Thirsting. Drinking from broken cisterns because I'm struggling to trust His heart for me. All the time knowing He has so much more....more of Himself to give me. More of His presence to bless the world through me. But I can not pour out when I believe I am empty.
Still He pursues. And He calls softly, gently to my soul. Tells me to just breathe. Invites me to fall into His arms. And He loves my heart back to the center of the round pen.
So today, in this season of waiting....lingering between the feast of giving thanks and the coming of Immanuel...I stop to count the gifts, the blessings, the graces I can see in the light of His presence.
Grace....
A delay in Thanksgiving travel due to vehicle problems. The forced necessity of taking two vehicles instead of one and the extra expense....that saved us from getting stranded on the highway with a van that wouldn't start or worse problems.
The shattered dreams of lesser desires that drive us to the Ultimate Dream we have always wanted but without knowing....to God giving Himself to us.
The pain of seeing people I love walk through messes, teaching me that God is blessing us by coming into our mess and suffering with us and carrying us through.
When God breaks through the clouds of my empty pursuits and the pain of distancing myself from Him....to tell me that He has given me a new heart after Him....and my wandering does not change His love for me...and He will welcome me back today, because I'm His....and it's a new day.
Gifts....
A precious little brother who embraces life and every person with an open heart and no pretenses....who sometimes so disarms me with his cuteness, his sweet and mischievous spirit, his hilarity at the simple and silly things!
An unexpected letter from a friend.
Discovering new songs that breathe God's heart to me and express my heart back to Him.
Crystal snowflakes floating on gentle breath outside my window.
Walking through hushed winter woods at dusk.
Peppermint Hershey Kisses!
A warm, cozy space to call my own.
Time to sleep in and linger with God and recover from a week of super early mornings.
The Creator of my heart inviting me into deep intimacy with Himself.
Please. Stop and listen. Breathe. Ask Him to open your eyes to the way He is filling your life with grace. With His presence. Let the Greatest Gift renew your hope today. He loves you so much! Don't let doubt and unbelief stop you from reaching out. He's just waiting for His children to get hungry. So He can fill us.
Advent.
Our God coming into our mess to walk and hurt with us. To show us His heart. To rescue us.
This season. Anticipation of His coming.
How many of us rush through this time with little regard for the hope it holds, never taking time to rest, to wonder, to breathe, to know Him?
Do you have a way to stop and draw close to Him as you celebrate the waiting for His coming? I'm reading The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp. It's a brand new book for Advent from the author of 1,000 Gifts, which, by the way, is a totally awesome book....if you haven't heard of it, I highly recommend it as a read for the next year! This new book helps to take the message of 1,000 Gifts deeper. Into the very heart of the Giver who became the Gift. It features a short reading for each day in December....like a breath of fresh air.
It starts with God's intention from the beginning of Creation to come and rescue His wandering children. As we move through the unfolding history in the Bible, we find this promise woven throughout all of it....that out of the stump, out of the dead, out of the smoldering ashes....there will come a shoot of new life. A Savior. A Redeemer. A Child. God Himself with us. We watch as He unfolds this plan through promises, prophecies made and fulfilled....shadows of a greater coming....through generations of those He had chosen to reveal Himself to the whole world.
I just read about Abraham. How God told him, "I will bless you and make you a blessing."
"Only when you first unwrap the gifts of blessings to you can you be wrapped up as a gift of blessing to others. Only when you are overwhelmed with the goodness of God can you overflow with the goodness of God to others. And that is the blessing God graced Abram with, the blessing He graces you with this Advent, the gift that makes you a gift. The greatest gift God graces a soul with is His own presence."
from the Greatest Gift
These past few weeks, God has found me stressing over things He told me not to worry about. Desperately needing rest. Questioning His trustworthiness. Thirsting. Drinking from broken cisterns because I'm struggling to trust His heart for me. All the time knowing He has so much more....more of Himself to give me. More of His presence to bless the world through me. But I can not pour out when I believe I am empty.
Still He pursues. And He calls softly, gently to my soul. Tells me to just breathe. Invites me to fall into His arms. And He loves my heart back to the center of the round pen.
So today, in this season of waiting....lingering between the feast of giving thanks and the coming of Immanuel...I stop to count the gifts, the blessings, the graces I can see in the light of His presence.
Grace....
A delay in Thanksgiving travel due to vehicle problems. The forced necessity of taking two vehicles instead of one and the extra expense....that saved us from getting stranded on the highway with a van that wouldn't start or worse problems.
The shattered dreams of lesser desires that drive us to the Ultimate Dream we have always wanted but without knowing....to God giving Himself to us.
The pain of seeing people I love walk through messes, teaching me that God is blessing us by coming into our mess and suffering with us and carrying us through.
When God breaks through the clouds of my empty pursuits and the pain of distancing myself from Him....to tell me that He has given me a new heart after Him....and my wandering does not change His love for me...and He will welcome me back today, because I'm His....and it's a new day.
Gifts....
A precious little brother who embraces life and every person with an open heart and no pretenses....who sometimes so disarms me with his cuteness, his sweet and mischievous spirit, his hilarity at the simple and silly things!
An unexpected letter from a friend.
Discovering new songs that breathe God's heart to me and express my heart back to Him.
Crystal snowflakes floating on gentle breath outside my window.
Walking through hushed winter woods at dusk.
Peppermint Hershey Kisses!
A warm, cozy space to call my own.
Time to sleep in and linger with God and recover from a week of super early mornings.
The Creator of my heart inviting me into deep intimacy with Himself.
Please. Stop and listen. Breathe. Ask Him to open your eyes to the way He is filling your life with grace. With His presence. Let the Greatest Gift renew your hope today. He loves you so much! Don't let doubt and unbelief stop you from reaching out. He's just waiting for His children to get hungry. So He can fill us.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Seven Snippets
Ok, I promised a report on my Seven fast, so here goes! First let me say that this endeavor was well worth it....I'm kind of sad it's over. So, basically, I chose to spend 21 days making space in my life to hunger for God. At the beginning of this journey, I was feeling totally unfulfilled and frustrated in my spiritual life. The enemy had me in a state of focus on my huge lack. The first week was super rough. Sometimes in our lives, things get worse before they get better. That's what happened with this fast. I'm going to give you some glimpses into my journalings through Seven, and maybe share a little more about what came out of it.
Day 3.....My fears and questionings and frustrations have only gotten worse since I began this feeble attempt to create God-hunger. Today was better. I'm clinging to God as the Unchanging One. He is faithful and remains the same regardless of my changing emotions, beliefs, and unfaithfulness. I am already beginning to feel the void without my usual entertainment and chocolate stimulation....especially with the weekend approaching! These things are more of an addiction than I'd like to think. It's scary how much I crave the least important stuff, the self-indulgent stuff. Oh, that I would crave God this way!
Day 4....Today Melody (my sister) and I talked....huge encouragement! God impressed me yesterday morning with the words of a song...."Sun and rain, joy and pain, you're the same, You never let go." I meditated on His unchanging nature. The same God who parted the sea, conquered armies, calmed the storm and raised the dead....is alive in me now! He is holding me; He won't let go.
Day 6....My prayer today from the message in church. Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things that you do not know."
Day 8....I've been slowly working through the Gospels chronologically. I just read the parable of the sower three or four times! I usually identify most with the thorny soil. Since I'm fasting from media entertainment, it is clearer to me that all this tantalizing, flashing stuff constantly calling for our attention in this American luxury has become a huge weed problem. It so quickly becomes addictive and chokes out our hunger for the Word of God, which is living water to our souls. Our spirits gasp and choke through each day as we continually give more time and attention to things that please and sparkle rather than feeding on the life-giving Word of the Life Giver. I want to make excuses for these things, even to say that I need them sometimes to give me a rest from reality and pressure. But every time I give an inch, the flesh takes a mile. And I'm actually ignoring the Fountain of Life who promises real rest to every soul who comes to Him.
It's amazing how many things throughout the day remind me of a movie, or a quote pops into my head. And how hard it is to know what to do with my free time!
Day 11...It takes awhile, but the light is breaking through. Now that I've time to clear the cobwebs from my empty spaces, I'm getting more hungry and thirsty for God. I know my Father is calling me into the land of promise. Now is the time to go in and take the land! How can I go back to where I've been? There is so much more to God. He is wilder than our wildest dreams. A disciple is disciplined. I can't stop with 21 days....I must have a plan for continued discipline, to keep making space for God hunger.
Day 15...I definitely want to keep the morning prayer pause a daily thing. I'm thinking of disciplining myself to only do extra computer time every other day, and keep the off evenings free for God space. And limiting myself to one movie a week, if even that. I have so many better ways to spend the time. I've been reading more of Radical, which continues to challenge me. I've started asking God to make me a true follower.
Day 18...Father is providing a place to live and a job for the next season. But I don't know what to decide about the ranch now anymore than I did last year at this time. And the message of Radical is messing everything up. I wonder if following Jesus looks like throwing away the few shreds of security I have now and going into full-time missions overseas to take the Gospel to people who have never heard, or to pour my life into serving the poorest people on earth. Could it also look like living simply in America and pouring my life into kids at His Ranch and meeting needs in the surrounding community? Or (insert dream that I'm not writing yet because nothing is moving at this point). Or investing in ladies at Margaret House and reaching out in the community in Medina along with a group of other God-desperate souls? (referring to the halfway house where I'll be staying this winter and a small group of Christian friends) It could probably look like any or all of those things at some point, and even more. How do I know the best way to obey God's call and live in His kingdom? How do I get His heart and perspective into me and turn right-side-up while most of the world is upside-down? How do I fully embrace death as the ultimate gain and reward and extravagantly "waste" my entire life on Christ? How do I live as one who is already dead in this world and whose only aim is the glory of God? So many questions. Seven is giving me a hunger boost, but is it enough? Radical offers a one-year challenge, and I am scared to go for it! But I have to keep climbing.
Day 20...I went to jail ministry this morning. What a God-thing! I thought I was supposed to go next week, and found out that it was today. I was feeling lousy with a cold yesterday, so didn't know if I'd even feel up to going, and I didn't look over my study that I had prepared a week earlier in case I needed something to share. When I told my friend Lori that I sort of had something prepared, she said to go ahead with it. So I shared my study on Caleb. My partners had a lot of great insights to add and we got lots of discussion with the ladies. It was awesome! The best time I ever had at jail ministry!
Day 21...Part of me doesn't want this fast to be over. In a way, it is easier to completely abstain from something for awhile than to discipline yourself while you have freedom. This fast has created a space for God hunger that I want to continue. I will continue to set limits on myself....I think the next step to being a God-chaser is to take the Radical Experiment challenge.
So, there you have it! Once I got past the first week or so, I didn't miss the entertainment, or even the chocolate, nearly as much as I thought I would. Seven provided a badly needed push into stronger desire for God. I know it would be easy to slip back into my old cravings if I go to stuffing myself with the "junk food" again. Thus the plan for continuing discipline. Any results worth their salt take hard training, and sometimes blood, sweat, and tears.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only run receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it." 1 Cor. 9:24
"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him." Heb. 11:6
I want to be a God chaser.
Day 3.....My fears and questionings and frustrations have only gotten worse since I began this feeble attempt to create God-hunger. Today was better. I'm clinging to God as the Unchanging One. He is faithful and remains the same regardless of my changing emotions, beliefs, and unfaithfulness. I am already beginning to feel the void without my usual entertainment and chocolate stimulation....especially with the weekend approaching! These things are more of an addiction than I'd like to think. It's scary how much I crave the least important stuff, the self-indulgent stuff. Oh, that I would crave God this way!
Day 4....Today Melody (my sister) and I talked....huge encouragement! God impressed me yesterday morning with the words of a song...."Sun and rain, joy and pain, you're the same, You never let go." I meditated on His unchanging nature. The same God who parted the sea, conquered armies, calmed the storm and raised the dead....is alive in me now! He is holding me; He won't let go.
Day 6....My prayer today from the message in church. Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things that you do not know."
Day 8....I've been slowly working through the Gospels chronologically. I just read the parable of the sower three or four times! I usually identify most with the thorny soil. Since I'm fasting from media entertainment, it is clearer to me that all this tantalizing, flashing stuff constantly calling for our attention in this American luxury has become a huge weed problem. It so quickly becomes addictive and chokes out our hunger for the Word of God, which is living water to our souls. Our spirits gasp and choke through each day as we continually give more time and attention to things that please and sparkle rather than feeding on the life-giving Word of the Life Giver. I want to make excuses for these things, even to say that I need them sometimes to give me a rest from reality and pressure. But every time I give an inch, the flesh takes a mile. And I'm actually ignoring the Fountain of Life who promises real rest to every soul who comes to Him.
It's amazing how many things throughout the day remind me of a movie, or a quote pops into my head. And how hard it is to know what to do with my free time!
Day 11...It takes awhile, but the light is breaking through. Now that I've time to clear the cobwebs from my empty spaces, I'm getting more hungry and thirsty for God. I know my Father is calling me into the land of promise. Now is the time to go in and take the land! How can I go back to where I've been? There is so much more to God. He is wilder than our wildest dreams. A disciple is disciplined. I can't stop with 21 days....I must have a plan for continued discipline, to keep making space for God hunger.
Day 15...I definitely want to keep the morning prayer pause a daily thing. I'm thinking of disciplining myself to only do extra computer time every other day, and keep the off evenings free for God space. And limiting myself to one movie a week, if even that. I have so many better ways to spend the time. I've been reading more of Radical, which continues to challenge me. I've started asking God to make me a true follower.
Day 18...Father is providing a place to live and a job for the next season. But I don't know what to decide about the ranch now anymore than I did last year at this time. And the message of Radical is messing everything up. I wonder if following Jesus looks like throwing away the few shreds of security I have now and going into full-time missions overseas to take the Gospel to people who have never heard, or to pour my life into serving the poorest people on earth. Could it also look like living simply in America and pouring my life into kids at His Ranch and meeting needs in the surrounding community? Or (insert dream that I'm not writing yet because nothing is moving at this point). Or investing in ladies at Margaret House and reaching out in the community in Medina along with a group of other God-desperate souls? (referring to the halfway house where I'll be staying this winter and a small group of Christian friends) It could probably look like any or all of those things at some point, and even more. How do I know the best way to obey God's call and live in His kingdom? How do I get His heart and perspective into me and turn right-side-up while most of the world is upside-down? How do I fully embrace death as the ultimate gain and reward and extravagantly "waste" my entire life on Christ? How do I live as one who is already dead in this world and whose only aim is the glory of God? So many questions. Seven is giving me a hunger boost, but is it enough? Radical offers a one-year challenge, and I am scared to go for it! But I have to keep climbing.
Day 20...I went to jail ministry this morning. What a God-thing! I thought I was supposed to go next week, and found out that it was today. I was feeling lousy with a cold yesterday, so didn't know if I'd even feel up to going, and I didn't look over my study that I had prepared a week earlier in case I needed something to share. When I told my friend Lori that I sort of had something prepared, she said to go ahead with it. So I shared my study on Caleb. My partners had a lot of great insights to add and we got lots of discussion with the ladies. It was awesome! The best time I ever had at jail ministry!
Day 21...Part of me doesn't want this fast to be over. In a way, it is easier to completely abstain from something for awhile than to discipline yourself while you have freedom. This fast has created a space for God hunger that I want to continue. I will continue to set limits on myself....I think the next step to being a God-chaser is to take the Radical Experiment challenge.
So, there you have it! Once I got past the first week or so, I didn't miss the entertainment, or even the chocolate, nearly as much as I thought I would. Seven provided a badly needed push into stronger desire for God. I know it would be easy to slip back into my old cravings if I go to stuffing myself with the "junk food" again. Thus the plan for continuing discipline. Any results worth their salt take hard training, and sometimes blood, sweat, and tears.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only run receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it." 1 Cor. 9:24
"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him." Heb. 11:6
I want to be a God chaser.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
God Spaces
For the next three weeks, I am doing an experiment to create more space for God-hunger in my life. This is inspired by the book Seven, written by Jen Hatmaker. Over a total of seven months, she did fasts in seven different areas of her life where she has the biggest battle with excess. Some of her focus areas were food, clothing, entertainment, possessions, and stress. In the book, Jen shares her raw journalings as she walked through each day of these fasts....the good, the bad, and the ugly....and some revolutionary things God taught her.
So I went through this book a couple months ago with some friends, and it gave us a lot to think about and discuss. But just reading about someone else's experience doesn't bring change in your life. We have to find a way to apply it. I wanted to do some form of Seven for myself, but I kept putting off committing to it for various reasons, and the trip to Romania kind of overshadowed everything else....but then I found out that a teenage friend who volunteers on the ranch during the summer did her own version of Seven while I was away, and she has inspired me to stop thinking about doing something and JUST DO IT!
I am not focusing on excess for this fast as much as on the distractions that fill up the empty spaces in my life and dull my hunger for God's presence. So rather than seven areas, I've chosen just a few things I need to put off in order to set the stage for seeking wholeheartedly after God. I'm sharing this with whoever reads my blog for a healthy dose of accountability, and so I can also share what comes out of the experiment. Three weeks is small, but it's a start. Sometimes we never start something because we think we have to do it big or not at all.
Most of my fast is going to involve entertainment, because that is my biggest space filler. So no movies, no Facebook, Youtube, blogs, or websurfing/shopping/etc. My computer time will be strictly for email communication, worship music, and writing.
Since giving up something you regularly crave with the physical body is a way of humbling yourself to recognize your spiritual weakness and need before God, I'm going chocolate free. Yeah. Not going to be easy. I rarely go without chocolate for more than a few days. But I believe it is worth the sacrifice to gain stronger desire for God.
The other part of this fast is actually adding something to my daily priorities to be more intentional in seeking God. I'm setting a prayer pause for 7 AM and 7 PM every day. This is the time to bring everything back to center. And I have a lot to pray about! The close of the ranch season is coming up quickly and I have decisions to make about where to go and what to do next. God has planted a crazy God-sized dream in my heart in the last few days and I need to prayerfully put my faith on my feet and take the first step to find out where He wants to go with it. And most importantly, I need to fix my eyes on God and my heart on believing Him....who He says He is, what He says He will do, who He says I am, and the obedient response that His Word is calling for.
I don't know if you'll hear from me until the end of the Seven fast. I plan to share what comes out of it, even if it's not spectacular. If you took the time to read this, would you stop and pray for me? Ask God to wreck whatever He needs to wreck in me so I can follow Him fully. And ask that He will get glory from this experience and use it to bring change in other people's lives, not just mine.
May you hunger and thirst more deeply for God and His righteousness today!
So I went through this book a couple months ago with some friends, and it gave us a lot to think about and discuss. But just reading about someone else's experience doesn't bring change in your life. We have to find a way to apply it. I wanted to do some form of Seven for myself, but I kept putting off committing to it for various reasons, and the trip to Romania kind of overshadowed everything else....but then I found out that a teenage friend who volunteers on the ranch during the summer did her own version of Seven while I was away, and she has inspired me to stop thinking about doing something and JUST DO IT!
I am not focusing on excess for this fast as much as on the distractions that fill up the empty spaces in my life and dull my hunger for God's presence. So rather than seven areas, I've chosen just a few things I need to put off in order to set the stage for seeking wholeheartedly after God. I'm sharing this with whoever reads my blog for a healthy dose of accountability, and so I can also share what comes out of the experiment. Three weeks is small, but it's a start. Sometimes we never start something because we think we have to do it big or not at all.
Most of my fast is going to involve entertainment, because that is my biggest space filler. So no movies, no Facebook, Youtube, blogs, or websurfing/shopping/etc. My computer time will be strictly for email communication, worship music, and writing.
Since giving up something you regularly crave with the physical body is a way of humbling yourself to recognize your spiritual weakness and need before God, I'm going chocolate free. Yeah. Not going to be easy. I rarely go without chocolate for more than a few days. But I believe it is worth the sacrifice to gain stronger desire for God.
The other part of this fast is actually adding something to my daily priorities to be more intentional in seeking God. I'm setting a prayer pause for 7 AM and 7 PM every day. This is the time to bring everything back to center. And I have a lot to pray about! The close of the ranch season is coming up quickly and I have decisions to make about where to go and what to do next. God has planted a crazy God-sized dream in my heart in the last few days and I need to prayerfully put my faith on my feet and take the first step to find out where He wants to go with it. And most importantly, I need to fix my eyes on God and my heart on believing Him....who He says He is, what He says He will do, who He says I am, and the obedient response that His Word is calling for.
I don't know if you'll hear from me until the end of the Seven fast. I plan to share what comes out of it, even if it's not spectacular. If you took the time to read this, would you stop and pray for me? Ask God to wreck whatever He needs to wreck in me so I can follow Him fully. And ask that He will get glory from this experience and use it to bring change in other people's lives, not just mine.
May you hunger and thirst more deeply for God and His righteousness today!
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Missing Pieces
During my three weeks in Romania, I tackled a 1,000 piece puzzle. It was a great time filler on slow days and evenings. Normally I start a puzzle by putting the frame together. But this is one of those uniquely cut puzzles where you can't easily pick out the edge pieces. So I worked by sections without the border.
About halfway through, I began to suspect that I was missing a few pieces. I had a few completed sections with holes in them, and no matter how much I searched, those distinctive pieces did not turn up. It took a long time to finish the frame, and I was afraid there would be a chunk of it missing. The closer I got to finishing, the more empty spots popped up! But I am a die-hard puzzler once I get in the mood, and I hate to quit on an unfinished picture, especially so far into the game. So I determined to finish this one before I left, no matter how many pieces were missing!
In the end, I counted at least 30 holes in my puzzle! They were scattered all over, so you could still basically get the whole picture. Of course it's disappointing to have a puzzle full of holes, but in the larger scheme of things, 30 out of 1,000 isn't a huge number, and it's still a beautiful picture. It's just broken.
That puzzle is a picture of us. I think of Scott and Carolyn's girls. They have been through rough places in their young lives. They are broken and damaged. But they are beautiful young women with incredible potential, deeply loved by God.
Their missing pieces make them rough around the edges. It makes successful living very difficult for them at times. It makes life difficult for those love them and are helping them. But does that make them any less worth it? Should we cast them aside because they are missing 30 pieces? Should they resign themselves to living in defeat as victims of circumstance for the rest of their lives? Sometimes that is what they want to do, because that mindset has been deeply etched into them through the pain of rejection, abandonment, and abuse. They often revert back to this thinking when things get hard, and it requires a great deal of patience to walk through it with them.
But God says they are worth it. He says you are worth it too. He sees the whole picture. You are His masterpiece, holes and all. Jesus Christ wants to come in to your broken, empty spaces and make you a whole person. Don't get me wrong, it's not an instant removal of suffering. This is a process. We will still experience some of the pain and dissatisfaction of holes in this earthly life. It is the God-built longing for our true home and our final state of wholeness in Heaven. God knows what we will be then. It is the beautiful, priceless work of art that He set out to create from the beginning of our lives! And He is willing to walk with us through all the broken places and missing pieces until the day we see the face of Christ and become like Him!
"Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is." 1 John 3:2
Just think how glorious that will be! And you know, I like to imagine that when God finally fills in our holes, it's going to be with precious jewels! Because He gives beauty for ashes and joy for mourning. What a beautiful Savior!
About halfway through, I began to suspect that I was missing a few pieces. I had a few completed sections with holes in them, and no matter how much I searched, those distinctive pieces did not turn up. It took a long time to finish the frame, and I was afraid there would be a chunk of it missing. The closer I got to finishing, the more empty spots popped up! But I am a die-hard puzzler once I get in the mood, and I hate to quit on an unfinished picture, especially so far into the game. So I determined to finish this one before I left, no matter how many pieces were missing!
In the end, I counted at least 30 holes in my puzzle! They were scattered all over, so you could still basically get the whole picture. Of course it's disappointing to have a puzzle full of holes, but in the larger scheme of things, 30 out of 1,000 isn't a huge number, and it's still a beautiful picture. It's just broken.
That puzzle is a picture of us. I think of Scott and Carolyn's girls. They have been through rough places in their young lives. They are broken and damaged. But they are beautiful young women with incredible potential, deeply loved by God.
Their missing pieces make them rough around the edges. It makes successful living very difficult for them at times. It makes life difficult for those love them and are helping them. But does that make them any less worth it? Should we cast them aside because they are missing 30 pieces? Should they resign themselves to living in defeat as victims of circumstance for the rest of their lives? Sometimes that is what they want to do, because that mindset has been deeply etched into them through the pain of rejection, abandonment, and abuse. They often revert back to this thinking when things get hard, and it requires a great deal of patience to walk through it with them.
But God says they are worth it. He says you are worth it too. He sees the whole picture. You are His masterpiece, holes and all. Jesus Christ wants to come in to your broken, empty spaces and make you a whole person. Don't get me wrong, it's not an instant removal of suffering. This is a process. We will still experience some of the pain and dissatisfaction of holes in this earthly life. It is the God-built longing for our true home and our final state of wholeness in Heaven. God knows what we will be then. It is the beautiful, priceless work of art that He set out to create from the beginning of our lives! And He is willing to walk with us through all the broken places and missing pieces until the day we see the face of Christ and become like Him!
"Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is." 1 John 3:2
Just think how glorious that will be! And you know, I like to imagine that when God finally fills in our holes, it's going to be with precious jewels! Because He gives beauty for ashes and joy for mourning. What a beautiful Savior!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
God's Heart
Today I want to tell you about a few more friends I have met here and the work they are doing. Jackie has been living in Romania for a long time. She is the pastor of a Gypsy church, and God has given her a lot of other assignments over the years. One thing He called her to is taking care of widows in this country. She has a friend, Irene, who helps her in this ministry. Irene is from Wales. She spends a lot of time there advocating for the widows' ministry, and she tries to visit Romania a few times a year. She likes to spend time with these ladies, listen to their stories, and see how they are getting along. This program is to help widows in the most desperate situations, to give them a better chance of survival. Some of these women receive pensions, but it's a pitiful amount. A few of them are still able to work and earn a little extra money, but many are in poor health and can't work. Some of them can't get a pension, for one reason or another.
When Jackie and Irene hear about a widow in dire need, they visit her and assess the situation to determine what she needs most. The majority of these widows are given a pack of food essentials each month and wood to keep them warm in the winter. Often they are more concerned about the cold than about food. Imagine yourself barely able to get around, living alone in a rundown house in a village. You have no way to get wood for yourself. Freezing would be a very real fear. Others need medication and can't afford it. Some have a family member to take care of them, and all they need from the program is medicine.
Irene was visiting while I was here, so I got to meet her and learn a lot about the ministry. She told me the stories of some of the people in the program. She tries to visit as many as she can while she is in the country. Some of them live in far away areas, and she can't always get there. Last week, after we spent time at the mental hospital in Mochria, we went to visit two of the people they care for in a nearby village, and I got to see a little bit of what they see.
Elena lives alone. She broke her leg at some point, and it wasn't set right, so she walks crookedly. She suffers from arthritis. She has a flock of chickens that she cares for. Their hutches are practically falling down. She also keeps a good-sized garden, although I don't know how she keeps it up. But most older Romanians are extremely hard workers. They just keep going until they have nothing left. And they don't want help with their work. We brought Elena food and sat with her for awhile to talk. Irene said that she does not seem as well as before and is losing some of her memory.
Then we went to visit Geeta. The program includes mostly women, but Geeta is a widower. They found him last year, I believe. He was living in deplorable conditions. He has a hernia the size of a melon. When his wife died, he was barely able to care for himself, let alone the house. There had been a fire in the house at some point. He was living in trash and filth. No one in his village would help him. They said he was mean to everyone, so they didn't care what happened to him. Then the missionaries came in with a work team that was visiting from the States, and they set out to show love to Geeta. They spent a whole day taking everything out of his house, and they had to burn all of it. They repaired the fire damage as best they could, cleaned, and painted. They brought clothes and food. People in the village would come by and ask why they were helping Geeta, when no one else cared. Now someone goes to his house once, sometimes twice a month, to clean, change the bedding, and bring clean clothes. He also gets canned food that is easy for him to manage. To me, his living conditions are still very crude, but it is much better than what it was. The young man who usually goes there to clean was with us, and he said that Geeta is always happy to see him. I don't know what kind of life Geeta led, or if he was really as mean as people say. But I wonder how these acts of Christlike love are affecting him, perhaps changing a hard heart. Not many people would stop for Geeta, especially if he did act nasty and they had known him a long time. Not even many who call themselves Christians would stop. But Jesus would.
These people have often led very hard lives, and they are mostly alone in the world. But God has heard their cries and sent His servants to care for them. If only all His people would care like He does; I think there would be no more desperate needs. But I am preaching to myself too. We know how God feels about these things. James tells us, "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this; to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."
But do we listen? How often have you and I turned a deaf ear and a blind eye to the brokenness in our world? How often do we stop caring about what might happen to us if we stop to help, and start caring about what will happen to that person if we don't do anything? Convicting? YES. All I can think about is how uncomfortable and overwhelming it would be to step into a situation like that and try to do something to change it.
I think the first step is to acknowledge how spiritually destitute we are: destitute of true love, forgiveness, mercy, patience, kindness....apart from the life of Christ in us. Jesus had a big problem with the church of Laodicea in the letters of Revelations. He tells them they are poor, blind, naked, and wretched....but they are deceiving themselves. They think they need nothing. And because of this, they are in dangerous territory. The cure is to repent and come to Jesus to supply what is lacking in our souls. We have to become desperate to have hearts that are desperate for Him! If we desire to see the kingdom of God come to earth, we need God's heart beating within us. If you are not there today, don't despair. Take the hardness of your heart to Him. He knows what to do with it. Ask Him to make you willing to receive His heart, no matter what it costs.
When Jackie and Irene hear about a widow in dire need, they visit her and assess the situation to determine what she needs most. The majority of these widows are given a pack of food essentials each month and wood to keep them warm in the winter. Often they are more concerned about the cold than about food. Imagine yourself barely able to get around, living alone in a rundown house in a village. You have no way to get wood for yourself. Freezing would be a very real fear. Others need medication and can't afford it. Some have a family member to take care of them, and all they need from the program is medicine.
Irene was visiting while I was here, so I got to meet her and learn a lot about the ministry. She told me the stories of some of the people in the program. She tries to visit as many as she can while she is in the country. Some of them live in far away areas, and she can't always get there. Last week, after we spent time at the mental hospital in Mochria, we went to visit two of the people they care for in a nearby village, and I got to see a little bit of what they see.
Elena lives alone. She broke her leg at some point, and it wasn't set right, so she walks crookedly. She suffers from arthritis. She has a flock of chickens that she cares for. Their hutches are practically falling down. She also keeps a good-sized garden, although I don't know how she keeps it up. But most older Romanians are extremely hard workers. They just keep going until they have nothing left. And they don't want help with their work. We brought Elena food and sat with her for awhile to talk. Irene said that she does not seem as well as before and is losing some of her memory.
Then we went to visit Geeta. The program includes mostly women, but Geeta is a widower. They found him last year, I believe. He was living in deplorable conditions. He has a hernia the size of a melon. When his wife died, he was barely able to care for himself, let alone the house. There had been a fire in the house at some point. He was living in trash and filth. No one in his village would help him. They said he was mean to everyone, so they didn't care what happened to him. Then the missionaries came in with a work team that was visiting from the States, and they set out to show love to Geeta. They spent a whole day taking everything out of his house, and they had to burn all of it. They repaired the fire damage as best they could, cleaned, and painted. They brought clothes and food. People in the village would come by and ask why they were helping Geeta, when no one else cared. Now someone goes to his house once, sometimes twice a month, to clean, change the bedding, and bring clean clothes. He also gets canned food that is easy for him to manage. To me, his living conditions are still very crude, but it is much better than what it was. The young man who usually goes there to clean was with us, and he said that Geeta is always happy to see him. I don't know what kind of life Geeta led, or if he was really as mean as people say. But I wonder how these acts of Christlike love are affecting him, perhaps changing a hard heart. Not many people would stop for Geeta, especially if he did act nasty and they had known him a long time. Not even many who call themselves Christians would stop. But Jesus would.
These people have often led very hard lives, and they are mostly alone in the world. But God has heard their cries and sent His servants to care for them. If only all His people would care like He does; I think there would be no more desperate needs. But I am preaching to myself too. We know how God feels about these things. James tells us, "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this; to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."
But do we listen? How often have you and I turned a deaf ear and a blind eye to the brokenness in our world? How often do we stop caring about what might happen to us if we stop to help, and start caring about what will happen to that person if we don't do anything? Convicting? YES. All I can think about is how uncomfortable and overwhelming it would be to step into a situation like that and try to do something to change it.
I think the first step is to acknowledge how spiritually destitute we are: destitute of true love, forgiveness, mercy, patience, kindness....apart from the life of Christ in us. Jesus had a big problem with the church of Laodicea in the letters of Revelations. He tells them they are poor, blind, naked, and wretched....but they are deceiving themselves. They think they need nothing. And because of this, they are in dangerous territory. The cure is to repent and come to Jesus to supply what is lacking in our souls. We have to become desperate to have hearts that are desperate for Him! If we desire to see the kingdom of God come to earth, we need God's heart beating within us. If you are not there today, don't despair. Take the hardness of your heart to Him. He knows what to do with it. Ask Him to make you willing to receive His heart, no matter what it costs.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
God-Sized Vision
Last week I got to see the future site of the Solid Rock Ranch in the foothills of the Carpathian mountains! The vision for this ranch is what originally drew my interest in Rock of Hope Ministries. The therapeutic ministry through horses and God's creation is close to my heart, so I want to share with my readers the story of how God is working to bring this vision into being.
If you read my previous post about Caleb, you will remember that I talked about Caleb waiting forty-five years for the promise God gave him to be realized. I struggle to imagine myself waiting even ten or twenty years for something! Well, it has now been ten years since God called Scott and Carolyn to Romania and gave them the vision to build a ranch for hurting youth. To a human perspective, especially in today's "instant everything" culture, very little has happened to make this dream a reality. If you saw the pictures I posted on Facebook of the ranch land, it is just empty country right now. Beautiful, but wild and empty. There is no cleared pastureland, no road to the top of the hill, no buildings, no animals. But go beneath the surface, and God's hand is clearly visible.
God put the same vision on Scott and Carolyn's hearts individually before they ever talked about it. When they realized they were being called, they started looking for a mission organization to help them. Some friends of theirs had been trying to apply to a certain organization for a long time but without success. One day Scott and Carolyn received a call from the director of this organization, and after a ninety minute conversation, they asked him what they needed to do to apply. He told them the phone conversation was their application, and they were accepted!
Scott has a lawyer friend who owns a horse breeding farm in Romania. She suggested that they start their own non-profit organization. He then asked if she would consider being on their board of directors, and she gladly accepted! This same friend has promised to donate horses from her farm to the ranch!
They ran into a lot of difficulty trying to find land to purchase for the ranch. Finally they decided to step back and stop trying to make this happen. They left the ball in God's court. If he wants this ranch, He is more than able to put everything in place. Some time after this, God brought Gabi into the picture. Gabi is a strong Christian, Romanian, and he is also a veterinarian. Horses in Romania are generally only used for work, and most Romanians do not understand the concept of having horses for pleasure and therapeutic benefit. But Gabi and his wife are different. They believe strongly in the purpose of this ministry and the need for it in their country, and so they came on board to help Scott and Carolyn. Gabi was raised by his grandparents in a small mountain village, and he says that he met God while walking the hills with his grandfather. He wants other young people, especially those from the city, to experience the same thing.
In Romania, property is passed down from generation to generation. Gabi's grandfather owned a large portion of land, and when he passed away, Gabi inherited the land and the house where he grew up. So when he learned of the vision for Solid Rock Ranch, he offered his land! In fact, once the ranch is built, he wants to leave his job with a pharmaceutical company and work full-time in the ministry! He and his wife plan to live on the ranch and care for the young women who will live there, while Scott and Carolyn remain in the city with the transitional apartment. The ranch would be a place for those girls who need a lot of healing, a safe place away from the distractions and danger of the city where they can regain hope. When they are in a better place emotionally and spiritually where they are able to move forward in life, they would graduate to the apartments, where they can get a job, go to school, and save money so they can eventually be on their own.
Scott and Carolyn were introduced to horse ministry through Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch in Oregon. They read the book Hope Rising, which is full of stories of how God has used horses to rekindle hope and healing in the lives of hurting children. One of their daughters even worked at Crystal Peaks for awhile. This same ranch has sparked dozens of similar ministries across the U.S. over the last several years, including His Ranch in Missouri, where I have been working for almost three summers! And Crystal Peaks donated all the horse tack that Solid Rock Ranch will need! Maybe you can begin to glimpse how God is tying all of this together. I think it's awesome to be part of this story....it is so much bigger than me, bigger than His Ranch and Crystal Peaks and Rock of Hope Romania! This is God's story, God's vision, and he is putting all of the pieces together according to His will. It matters little whether the setting is Oregon, Missouri, Romania, or Timbuktu! God allows us to join Him in His redemptive plan for the whole world, and He will use each of us in a unique way, if we make ourselves available to Him. Our part is simply to obey when He calls.
I feel privileged to have learned some of Scott and Carolyn's part in this story and to see God in their lives. They are still waiting for Him to bring the vision to completion, and there is much work still to be done, but they fully believe that He will accomplish it in His timing. One of the needs right now is for more land at a low price. During Communism, the government confiscated private farm land. Later on, they returned the land to Gabi's grandfather, but Gabi discovered that they did not actually return all of it. They gave him separate parcels of land that are not even joined together, which is not going to work very well for a ranch! The rest of the land is still owned by the state, so Gabi wants to buy it back, but money is an issue. Of course there will also be a lot of cost involved in clearing the land for grazing and farming, building a road, house, and buildings, and all the equipment that will be needed. God has not provided the funds at this point, and yet He has done so much to confirm that it's going to happen! His will does not lead us where His grace cannot keep us. I'm really excited to see how the story of the Solid Rock Ranch continues to play out. I can't see the future. I don't know if God will bring me back to Romania to have a part in this. But I want to stay close and available to Him, because the One who gave the vision still calls, and He has many other servants that He will call to join in the work here in the days ahead. He may not call you to work with horses, or to leave your job to work on a ranch, or to move to a foreign country and start a ministry. But He has work somewhere that He invites you to join, and He has built unique gifts and desires into you for that purpose. It may be something right where you are, or it may be somewhere else He wants to take you. Remember that He has plans for you, and they are plans for hope and a good future....a life of walking with God will bring rewards for all of eternity!
I close with a quote from Pendragon, one of my favorite movies. It is an inspiration for all of us to take to heart as we follow our Lord today:
"Whatever happens, remember; what God calls us to do, He gives us the strength to accomplish....the grace to live...or die... for His glory."
If you read my previous post about Caleb, you will remember that I talked about Caleb waiting forty-five years for the promise God gave him to be realized. I struggle to imagine myself waiting even ten or twenty years for something! Well, it has now been ten years since God called Scott and Carolyn to Romania and gave them the vision to build a ranch for hurting youth. To a human perspective, especially in today's "instant everything" culture, very little has happened to make this dream a reality. If you saw the pictures I posted on Facebook of the ranch land, it is just empty country right now. Beautiful, but wild and empty. There is no cleared pastureland, no road to the top of the hill, no buildings, no animals. But go beneath the surface, and God's hand is clearly visible.
God put the same vision on Scott and Carolyn's hearts individually before they ever talked about it. When they realized they were being called, they started looking for a mission organization to help them. Some friends of theirs had been trying to apply to a certain organization for a long time but without success. One day Scott and Carolyn received a call from the director of this organization, and after a ninety minute conversation, they asked him what they needed to do to apply. He told them the phone conversation was their application, and they were accepted!
Scott has a lawyer friend who owns a horse breeding farm in Romania. She suggested that they start their own non-profit organization. He then asked if she would consider being on their board of directors, and she gladly accepted! This same friend has promised to donate horses from her farm to the ranch!
They ran into a lot of difficulty trying to find land to purchase for the ranch. Finally they decided to step back and stop trying to make this happen. They left the ball in God's court. If he wants this ranch, He is more than able to put everything in place. Some time after this, God brought Gabi into the picture. Gabi is a strong Christian, Romanian, and he is also a veterinarian. Horses in Romania are generally only used for work, and most Romanians do not understand the concept of having horses for pleasure and therapeutic benefit. But Gabi and his wife are different. They believe strongly in the purpose of this ministry and the need for it in their country, and so they came on board to help Scott and Carolyn. Gabi was raised by his grandparents in a small mountain village, and he says that he met God while walking the hills with his grandfather. He wants other young people, especially those from the city, to experience the same thing.
In Romania, property is passed down from generation to generation. Gabi's grandfather owned a large portion of land, and when he passed away, Gabi inherited the land and the house where he grew up. So when he learned of the vision for Solid Rock Ranch, he offered his land! In fact, once the ranch is built, he wants to leave his job with a pharmaceutical company and work full-time in the ministry! He and his wife plan to live on the ranch and care for the young women who will live there, while Scott and Carolyn remain in the city with the transitional apartment. The ranch would be a place for those girls who need a lot of healing, a safe place away from the distractions and danger of the city where they can regain hope. When they are in a better place emotionally and spiritually where they are able to move forward in life, they would graduate to the apartments, where they can get a job, go to school, and save money so they can eventually be on their own.
Scott and Carolyn were introduced to horse ministry through Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch in Oregon. They read the book Hope Rising, which is full of stories of how God has used horses to rekindle hope and healing in the lives of hurting children. One of their daughters even worked at Crystal Peaks for awhile. This same ranch has sparked dozens of similar ministries across the U.S. over the last several years, including His Ranch in Missouri, where I have been working for almost three summers! And Crystal Peaks donated all the horse tack that Solid Rock Ranch will need! Maybe you can begin to glimpse how God is tying all of this together. I think it's awesome to be part of this story....it is so much bigger than me, bigger than His Ranch and Crystal Peaks and Rock of Hope Romania! This is God's story, God's vision, and he is putting all of the pieces together according to His will. It matters little whether the setting is Oregon, Missouri, Romania, or Timbuktu! God allows us to join Him in His redemptive plan for the whole world, and He will use each of us in a unique way, if we make ourselves available to Him. Our part is simply to obey when He calls.
I feel privileged to have learned some of Scott and Carolyn's part in this story and to see God in their lives. They are still waiting for Him to bring the vision to completion, and there is much work still to be done, but they fully believe that He will accomplish it in His timing. One of the needs right now is for more land at a low price. During Communism, the government confiscated private farm land. Later on, they returned the land to Gabi's grandfather, but Gabi discovered that they did not actually return all of it. They gave him separate parcels of land that are not even joined together, which is not going to work very well for a ranch! The rest of the land is still owned by the state, so Gabi wants to buy it back, but money is an issue. Of course there will also be a lot of cost involved in clearing the land for grazing and farming, building a road, house, and buildings, and all the equipment that will be needed. God has not provided the funds at this point, and yet He has done so much to confirm that it's going to happen! His will does not lead us where His grace cannot keep us. I'm really excited to see how the story of the Solid Rock Ranch continues to play out. I can't see the future. I don't know if God will bring me back to Romania to have a part in this. But I want to stay close and available to Him, because the One who gave the vision still calls, and He has many other servants that He will call to join in the work here in the days ahead. He may not call you to work with horses, or to leave your job to work on a ranch, or to move to a foreign country and start a ministry. But He has work somewhere that He invites you to join, and He has built unique gifts and desires into you for that purpose. It may be something right where you are, or it may be somewhere else He wants to take you. Remember that He has plans for you, and they are plans for hope and a good future....a life of walking with God will bring rewards for all of eternity!
I close with a quote from Pendragon, one of my favorite movies. It is an inspiration for all of us to take to heart as we follow our Lord today:
"Whatever happens, remember; what God calls us to do, He gives us the strength to accomplish....the grace to live...or die... for His glory."
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