32.
I figured out the significance of this number.
We celebrate 16th birthdays as a time of sweet blossoming from child to almost-adult. It's a golden time of youth. 32 is 16 doubled. Twice the years, twice as sweet! And sometimes, maybe.....twice as silly?
So yes, I'm not sure how I got here so fast, but here I am, and I imagine those twice my age would attest to the same swiftness of the years and remember with wistful fondness what it was like to be where I am now!
I pretend to be slightly freaked out. But I enjoy birthdays too much to be really upset. And so I shall do my best to savor this time of my life and this marking of age and all the adventures to be had in this year!
I'm a little late with the writing, being already a week past the eventful day, but I wanted to share some of the thoughts from my journal as I contemplated becoming 32.
Jesus, thank you for 32 years. You are the reason I am here. How easily I forget. But You are my Life. The Author and Finisher of my faith. The Sovereign Writer of the ages who has graciously, in Your reckless love and almighty wisdom, given me a part in Your story! I do so want my life to be an offering of thanksgiving to You, my Lord! How can I remember better? How can I live as sovereign, as one who carries Your life? Only Your life gives me power to abandon the dream of the flesh world and vibrantly live in Your kingdom.
I celebrate this day of my emergence into the world on a clear, blue-sky February morning. The sun glitters on deep snow, casting blue tree shadows all about. The world is shrouded cold, yet the promise of Spring whispers already in the frigid air. The old oak in the backyard stands pregnant with buds against the bright sky. Buds preparing to crack open in just a few more weeks, exposing tender new life cradled inside.
Sky! Brilliant jeweled hue, my favorite in all this grand creativity of God! It calls to me with a beauty that hurts....as if I could fall up and dive deep into its shimmering mystery, like a lake of God's love in which I could lose myself and breathe the water of life and really live! Little birds flit and chirp through bare woods, like a world slowly awakening to the first strains of renewed life. This life is not dead; it only lies dormant. So also, the Sovereign life in my soul has often waited and slept like a dormant bud.
But what is the promise and triumph of Spring?
LIFE SHALL COME FORTH!
Abundantly!
Awakening is gradual at first, timid and sleepy. But suddenly, when the time is right, it seems almost overnight to burst forth into full bloom, unable to contain itself any longer!
And so I wait. Feeling not yet perfect in love, often with fears and doubts and forgetfulness....yet in faith. Waiting and praying for the life within me to awaken in Spring glory. Fighting to remember. To hold on to what I have until He comes. HE! My Sovereign, my Maker, my Lover who gave His life to save me, my King who gives me a purpose in His kingdom and a part to play in His story, my Bridegroom who is preparing a place for me, my Everlasting Life and Exceeding Great Reward....Jesus Christ, Son of God!
It is by Him and through Him and in Him I exist. He is before ALL things and in Him ALL things hold together!
"Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!" Revelation 5:12
Jesus, You are my past, present, and future.
"Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for You were slain, and by Your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and You have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth." Revelation 5:9-10
In Christ I overcome. In Christ I live. In Christ I look forward with hope and confidence on the threshold of this new year of my life and to the horizon beyond it, to every day He will give me!
"To Him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power forever and ever! Amen!" Revelation 5:13
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