Nosedive

God blessed us on Sunday with absolutely gorgeous weather!  Determined to take advantage of the early spring day, I packed myself off to a nearby park, along with a recently purchased kite.  The kid in me is fascinated with kites, so when I saw the display in Walmart, I couldn't resist. 

So there was a fair breeze on this day, and I was excited to get my eagle up in the air for his first flight!  Literally.  My kite is an eagle.  Albeit a plastic one.  I get him out in the baseball field, and I can tell he wants to take off....it's a good wind!  I start playing out the line, and we make a launch attempt....and crash.  Then another attempt....followed by another, and another....and another!  I want so badly to watch my eagle soar as he was made to do.  And he wants to go, he's willing.....but I'm starting to realize some things. 

My kite isn't trusting me.  That's right.  You see, he really wants to make the cut.  He wants so badly to do this thing right and be all he is meant to be....but he's trying too hard!  I think he's trying to make it work on his own!  I pick him up from the ground and hold him close, than release him into the wind....he is close to me, he can see me, he knows I'm his anchor, and he takes the wind with gusto....but then I move away, let out more line, encourage him to ride higher....and he suddenly thinks, "Oh, I'm on my own now.... I've got to make this happen!"  Next thing you know, he's in a tailspin, which ends with a nosedive into the dirt.  My kite doesn't understand that all he has to do is rest; the wind and his anchor at the end of the line will work together to create the energy needed to life him up. 

And another thing.  The kite is willing to go up, but he only gets so far before he hits a glass ceiling.  He's still holding on to the security of the ground.  He knows I've got him, but can he really trust me with everything?  Do I really have his best interests in mind?  He knows he is being ridiculous, but still his mind lingers on things that feel safe to him, and before he gets very high in the sky, he panics and turns his nose back to the familiar ground.  And what happens when you go nose down?  You're gonna fall on your face.  With your head buried in the sand.  Like an ostrich.  Trying to shut out the fears drowning out your faith.  But when your head is in the sand, you can't hear the voice of truth either.  And the string that was meant to create a healthy tension between the ground and the air to lift the kite to new heights becomes instead a burdensome tether, yanking its reluctant charge with awkward, halting, painful jerks over the uneven ground.  If only he understood that his only job is to let go.  I'll keep him anchored, I'll make sure he doesn't get tangled in trees and power lines, and I will rejoice over him as he rides the currents....he can fly high and free, if he'll only let go of his self-made security!

I don't know what it was, but something was keeping my eagle in a destructive flight pattern that day, and he never did get very high into the air.  But as you may have deduced by now, I was hearing God speak to me through my floundering kite.  "How many times have you done this exact same thing?  How often have you told Me you want to jump over the edge, lose everything for My sake, and experience My fullness, but you keep hanging on to your petty loves and security blankets?  How many times have you hit the ground because you've got your eyes on fear instead of faith, and you're allowing personal comfort to outweigh the rewards of risk?  I love you, and I will never quit on you, but won't you trust Me?  Won't you see that all you have to do is let go and rest, because the work of flying is Mine, not yours, and I will never let go of you?"

I watch my kite struggle, my heart sinks with each nosedive, and I feel the pain and I know I'm being ridiculous and I really want to stop this game.  My heart cries, "Father, You know I am weak!  But I don't want to be like this kite.  Please help me to let go and ride Your wind, as I long for the kite to do!  Help me believe that You are the only anchor I need."

"For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.  But you were unwilling.....Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you."  Isaiah 30:15,18