A Threat...or a Promise?

Five months ago, God drew me into a unique fellowship called D-Group. It's been one of the best decisions of my life. Every week, I meet with a special group of sisters who are pursuing Jesus, seeking to be His disciples, and spurring one another on in our love for Him. Together, we study the Word, hide the Truth in our hearts, confess our sins, pray for one another, and hold each other accountable to grow up in every way into Christ.

We've started off the new year diving deep into the book of Romans. This may seem a well-worn book for many of us, but the Word of God is alive, and so it never fails to amaze with new treasure and fresh revelations of our Life-Giver. Today I opened the pages to read an oh-so-familiar portion from Romans chapter 8, and lo and behold...He's doing it again! Breathing new life into my bones. May I blow a bit of it your way?

What threatens you right now? Changing circumstances? Financial hardship? Relational pain? Sickness? A difficult person? A tough job? Impossible expectations? The loss of something precious? The unknown? 

Whatever it may be, we all have something that shadows us with dread, those things that we view as threats to our well-being. 

I find it fascinating that Romans 8:31 begins in this way: "What then shall we say to these things?" 

What things?

If you back-track to what Paul has just been discussing (verses 18-30), he seems to be referring to those things that we naturally confront as threats. 

Suffering. That covers a lot. Life in this world hurts. 

Futility and corruption. Paul says the whole creation groans in this bondage. The twisted fingers of sin have touched and marred every part of the perfect beauty that God first spoke into being. 

Waiting. An unfulfilled longing for something we desperately want but don't have. 

Weakness. Oh, how we hate this reality of our fallen humanity. We treat it like a despised disease. We search for a cure. We'll do everything in our power to gild over the cracks and make it look like we have it all together, while everything inside is falling apart. 

The fear of what will happen. It's not named, but implied. We fear the unknown ahead because we believe that bad things will happen.

One more threat I see implied in this passage: the fear of walking through life unknown, unloved, and purposeless. That can suck a soul dry.

What, indeed, shall we say to THESE THINGS?

Let's finish Paul's thought: "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

This, Beloved, is what we can say! But how can we be sure that God is for us? Lean in; look closer. Do you see it? Every potential threat in this passage is paired with a promise from our Father!

God IS for us--because He is preparing to reveal a glory in and to us that is indescribably greater than our present sufferings.

God IS for us--because He has adopted us as His sons and daughters, and He has promised to restore all things in us and in creation that have been corrupted by sin.

God IS for us--because He's given us the hope of a glorious future and the grace to wait for it with patience.

God IS for us--because He's given us His Spirit to help us in our weakness and to intercede for us.

God IS for us--because He works ALL THINGS together for our good. Nothing that is truly bad can happen to the child of God. Even what the enemy means for evil, God means for good to us. In the end, everything, whether we see it as good or bad, plays into God's hands.

God IS for us--we can never be unknown, unloved, or purposeless, because He knew us even before he formed the world, and He has chosen us, called us to be His own, justified and glorified us!

Now stay with me....it gets even better! Paul introduces a beautiful progression in verse 34: "Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us."

Jesus died so your sin-enslaved self could die with Him. Then He was raised so you could be raised with Him to a new life, free to be all you were created to be! And not only that, but He is at the right hand of God, so that you can be with Him right now in the heavenly places--and not only that, but He is always interceding for you! Jesus never rests from representing you before the Father as your advocate, your justifier, and your interceder! Beloved, you are hidden WITH Christ IN God! Nothing can threaten you in this place...NOTHING!

So I can say with Paul...I AM SURE...that nothing will be able to separate me from the love of my Father in Yeshua, the Son! Consider this...nothing can ever separate the Son from the Father's love and their perfect union as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. So because you are IN THE SON, nothing can ever separate you, IN THE SON, from the Father's love and from eternal union with God!

I AM SURE.

Ride That Slide!

Today's story comes to you complements of my mom.

My little bro, Justin, is a wonderfully unintentional teacher at times. Last weekend, he got to visit a fun farm with Mom and some of his sibling buddies. This farm features a corn maze and a lot of other delightful attractions, including America's Longest Slide!

In case you ever happen to encounter this prestigious slide, you should know how to get the best ride out of it. First, grab your feed sack. Get situated on top of the sack, then pull your feet in and hug your knees to your chest to make yourself into a bullet. Make sure no part of your body is touching the slide....push off and let gravity do the rest!

Justin, however, has never been through Sliding 101 and has his own ideas of how to make this work.

Each time the next row of sliders gets into position, the slide monitor gives his little spiel, including the following admonition: "Do not hold onto the sides of the slide on your way down!"

Justin is not listening to the speech, nor does he care. All he's focused on is getting his feed sack and making sure his buddies are beside him and going down! And every time he went down, he tried to control his descent by grabbing onto the edges on either side of his lane. The result was that he toppled backwards, had no control over his body, and ended up spinning sideways, losing his feed sack, and once even crossed halfway into another lane before coming to a stop with about 15 feet of slide left!  He then tried to propel himself forward using his hands, in order to get to the bottom of the slide. He found out the first time that trying to stand up and walk to the bottom was not a good idea!

Please enjoy the visual demonstration below! (You can see better if you make it bigger. Justin is the one in the middle.)

Maybe you've never tried to stop yourself mid-slide on a sliding board. But have you ever approached life this way? Do you sometimes try to control the trajectory of your life...in your job, in circumstances, in finances, in relationships? Have you ever tried to confine parts of your life into a box, like a safe zone, rather than face something unknown that feels wild and scary? We may even see this as being smart, cautious, and wise. But what if the cost of caution is our freedom? What if we never experience the fullness of the life God has for us because we're focused on playing it safe? 

Take a lesson from Justin. You may end up knocked on your back, or turned sideways, or prematurely running out of momentum! 

What if, instead, we make ourselves less...get small and let God be bigger? What if we just relax and fall into Jesus and let the Holy Spirit take us like gravity? What if we let Him make us brave and take the adventure that comes to us from His hand? Sure, it's scary...but we might be amazed how much fun life can be! 

If my life and yours are God's work of art, we can trust Him to keep us on track. He has a hope and a future prepared for us beyond anything we can imagine! 

So let go of the sides....let go the fears, the doubts, the insecurities, the self-protection, the pride...we weren't made to hang onto these. They're thieves that steal joy and mar peace. They only drag us down and hold us back. The only thing we need to cling to is Jesus. 

"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10

ENJOY THE RIDE! AND DON'T FORGET TO SAY "WHEEEEEEEEE!'

I Am

Awhile ago, I watched this spoken word poem by David Bowden. And it inspired me. I sat with my journal and wrote what I heard God speaking to my soul. He knows exactly what we need and He speaks the language of our hearts. This is my I Am poem. If it encourages you today, thank Him.


I Am....with you - right now, right here
In the uncertainty, the emotion, the excitement, and the fear
I Am your Wisdom and your Way
The Voice that tells you go or stay
I Am your Future and your Hope
Place your expectation in Me alone
I Am your Father, I Am your Friend
I am He who loves you fully, without end
I am the One who draws you near
Counts every sigh and every tear
I Am your Beautiful Obsession
Your Freedom from every dark oppression
I Am there when you've lost your way
And when all forsake you, I will stay
I Am greater than your pain
I'm turning your losses into gain
You're never alone, never unloved
Never unwanted, unknown, or unsung

Because I Am....

With you always, loving you to eternity and back
Knowing you fully, and singing over you with joy
In Me you have no lack
I breathed you into life
Chosen before the birth of Time

Come, Beloved
Let your heart beat with Mine

Lose yourself in Me

For....I Am.

What He Sees

Hey. I'm back. No excuses, and no apologies. I just need to write. So I want to share something precious Jesus gave me a few weeks ago.

I'm reading a book called The Forgotten Way by Ted Dekker, and working through the companion meditation/devotional book. One of the questions dealt with how you think God sees you. As I worked through the suggested exercise, this is what Jesus put on my heart.

I close my eyes and imagine Jesus standing in front of me. He knows how I'm falling again, right now. He knows all about my fightings and fears and the countless unanswered questions about the place I'm in and the way I'm supposed to go. He knows how I'm running after my old self-soothing patterns, running everywhere but to the Fountain of Life. What does He do? What does He say as He looks at me?

I see Him smile at me with a tender gaze that cuts straight through my soul, yet is only full of light, love, and pleasure. He takes both my hands in His and draws me closer. I think He even kneels down to look up into my face like a parent does with a child, or a man with his beloved. And this is what I hear:

"Look at Me, Beloved. If you only knew what you are going to be! What I am making you! If you could see what I see...a lovely garden in full bloom, fragrant with My favorite perfumes, bearing fruit that feeds the hungry, yet never runs out...fruit that delights My soul! I delight in you! I want you...My daughter, my chosen, my beloved! Don't you remember? I died so you could be with me forever...that's how much I want you. And I long for you to delight in Me. I will not force you; delight cannot be forced. I want you to delight in Me because you love Me more than anything, because you have tasted that I am good and I satisfy Your deepest hunger!

 I love you. Endlessly.

My love is not threatened by your present behavior, or by anything you will do in the future. My love for you is not measured by your level or lack of desire, surrender, passion, or faith. My love for you, daughter, is measureless and limitless. I don't see what you are now, in the skin of earth. The veil of mortality is invisible to My eyes and I see what you will be. I see My own reflection in your eyes and in your soul! Come to Me and I will satisfy you! Look to Me and I will save you! Walk with Me and I will carry you when you cannot take another step.

Don't listen to the poison whispers of the snake. I hurt for you when you listen and believe his accusations. That is not who you are. You are Mine! Not half Mine. Not sometimes Mine. Fully Mine! The evil one cannot touch you. He can only cast an illusion of darkness around you, and only if you allow him. Open your eyes, my Love! I'm right here...I'm always here with You! I am in you...closer than your heartbeat!

You are untouchable because you are Mine. You are unstoppable because you are Mine. Nothing can threaten you.

NOTHING.

Because it's all about who I am making of you. And at the end of it all, you will still be safe in Me. With Me.

And you will be like Me, because you will finally see Me as I am. And so you will see yourself in My eyes.

It's all true. WAKE UP, Sleeping Beauty! Remember WHO I AM! I Am your Truth. I Am your Way. And I Am your Life."

Is It Sufficient?

I realized something today.

All of my life, I have battled this fear that my relationship with God is insufficient. It has manifested in every part of my life. I believed I was never enough. Not pretty enough, not talkative enough, not like-able enough, not talented enough, not sociable enough, not funny enough, not desirable enough, not faithful enough, not good enough, not spiritual enough.....just not enough.

So I poured my energies into creating this world in my head where I could be enough. A world where I could be everything I ever wanted to be and have everything I ever imagined would make me complete; in this world, I was the heroine of my own story. All of this was a pathetic attempt to substitute for my "not enough".

It is no easy thing to crawl out of a fortress of false security. To walk away from your perfect world. To tear down your castles in the sky and come face to face with the raw truth that you don't have to be enough. You don't have to build a kingdom of "enough", because this isn't home. And it's not your kingdom anyway.

Do you feel unequal to the journey? The journey of walking by faith, of following Jesus, of obeying God, of loving Him with all your heart and loving your neighbor as yourself? Do you feel unequal to the mission of building Christ's kingdom on earth, of preaching the gospel, of making disciples, of fighting the armies of hell? I know. I've been there. I've camped out there for a long, long time. Not enough. Unequal to the task. Unprepared. Unable to rise to the challenge. Inadequate. Insignificant. Insufficient.

In recent weeks, God has pinpointed this fear in me: I'm afraid that my relationship with Him is not sufficient and never will be. I've been looking at it this way: I don't bring enough to this relationship. I have always wanted to be able to bring enough. But I can't. I bring nothing. Jesus brings all And He gives me His own life, His own beauty, His own faithfulness, His own obedience, His own love....everything that I can offer back to Him!

Today I had a revelation....I don't want a relationship with God that is sufficient. Why would I ever settle for merely sufficient? Who in their right mind is truly satisfied with a marital relationship or a friendship that is just "sufficient"?

I want a crazy, vibrant, insanely awesome intimacy with Jesus! I want a relationship that never stands still, that keeps moving forward, exploring more of His wonder and opening myself more fully to Him every day! It's the kind of relationship I didn't truly believe I could have with Him. But He's breaking down the walls.

So I'm changing my mind.

I do believe I can have this....I believe this is the life Jesus came to give me...anything less is cheating myself and the world around me that desperately needs to see what life is.

In 2 Corinthians 3, Paul expresses the truth that can set us free from the bondage to self-sufficiency:
"Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."

The walls of self-sufficiency, the towers of duty, the banners of the letter of the law that say I must be enough are crumbling to the dust. I can move forward in my relationship with Christ with full confidence, knowing that He is sufficient to bring life to the world and build His kingdom and shine His light through me!

I believe!

Extraordinary Somebodies

Hey Soul? If you've ever been haunted with doubts that God didn't know what He was doing when He made you? If you've ever wondered what in the world you were made for? If you've ever felt unwanted, unloved, inconsequential, inadequate, incomplete?

This is for you.

And for me. Because you'd better believe I've felt it. My heavenly Daddy is clearing out the haunted chambers of my heart and calling me to freedom beyond my self-protective walls. And I'm thinking you just might need to hear this too.

So listen close.

Have you ever believed you are a nobody? Then open your heart to this.

GOD DON'T MAKE NOBODIES!

GOD ONLY MAKES SOMEBODIES!

And that makes YOU a somebody...fully KNOWN and fully LOVED by your Father God, without ANY fear of rejection!

Fear is not what you were made for. God didn't give you a spirit of fear....He gave you a spirit of love and power and a sound mind! Jesus didn't die so you could remain enslaved to fear.

Jesus died to set you free.

Free from fear....fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of risk, fear of loss, fear of vulnerability....free from performance, free from pretense, free from condemnation, free from the letter of the law that kills.

Jesus died to give you life...life more abundant, joy more unrestrained, passion more dynamic than you can dream! He gives you HIS life....the very word of God became flesh to dwell in you!

You were made to be SOMEBODY.

Somebody with extraordinary gifts and a beautiful heart, custom-designed by your Maker to know Him, love Him, partner with Him, and enjoy Him in the unique way that only you can!

Your Father, Maker of the universe, looking at you right now with profound love and desire and pride and joy....more than you have ever dared to believe.  DARE NOW. DARE TO BELIEVE. Choose to believe that God created you for greatness, for His pleasure, and for impossibilities to become possible in and through your life.

Your Daddy created you for favor. You are His treasure of inestimable worth....and He is so pleased with you! He sees your heart. he sees your desire to break free of every last chain that has long bound you and to love Him unfettered. He hears your cry, "I believe! Help my unbelief!" What could possibly please Him more than to hear you say, "Father, I want to see!" He is saying to you, "Wake up, my love! Wake from this dream of flesh in which you have entangled yourself. Wake up from the one-dimensional reality in which you see and hear and feel. Awake, and run to me!"

Will you say it with me? I BELIEVE! Here I take my stand! I don't have to feel it or see it. Father, I simply choose to believe that You made me to know and enjoy You and pour out Your love unfettered on this world in ways I have never yet dreamed.  With You, I can. With You, I'm ready. So open the floodgates. I am somebody. I am Yours.

Musings from Mount Morris

How is it possible that I've been in New York a month already?  And that I've barely seen more than two inches of snow at one time this entire winter....but no doubt I speak too soon. Winter ain't over yet. She finally decided to get serious about her temperatures, if not her snowy cloak.

So, wow....where to begin?  This is actually the first truly relaxed weekend we interns have enjoyed since arriving at Lamplighter. It was a weekend for hibernating....one of my housemates literally hibernated in her room with an electric blanket almost the entire day yesterday! She's from the South and has never experienced sub-zero temperatures before, so you can hardly blame her.

I figure you might want to hear more about this place and the people I'm with. So here's a glimpse of life in our castle.

This is the century-old Victorian house that I call home. The photo was taken by my fellow intern Kayley on one of the few snowy days. You can only see a portion of the house here, One of these days I'll have to get a picture of the front. This spacious structure houses the Lamplighter offices, shipping area, and a room that has been appropriated as a bookstore on the ground floor. I live in the second floor apartment, along with three other girls. We have three bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room, and parlor (in a Victorian house, it has to be a parlor). There's also a separate guest room and small storage room upstairs. Plans are being made to build another bathroom and possibly split the second floor into two separate apartments.

Here you can see a partial view of the equally old and beautiful church building next door, which currently houses the book bindery and warehouse, which is really more like a unique library. This is where the old pipe organ was taken apart to make room for a recording studio. The bell tower is eventually going to become a prayer tower, which will be amazing. I haven't been up there yet, but I'm told you have a lovely commanding view of the village and surrounding hill country from the top!

This is a closer view of the church front on our street. It is one of several gorgeous old church buildings on the block.

This was shot along one of the walls inside the church sanctuary. See, you can't really call this a warehouse, can you? All of the extra stock of the books made here are kept on these stately bookshelves which were built last fall, just in time to host Michael Card at Lamplighter for a Christmas concert! That was an exciting time, and I'm sorry I missed it, although I've heard tales of staff and interns staying up half the night staining bookshelves and scrubbing the floors! Although no longer used as an official place of worship, the sanctuary retains the feel of a sacred space.The sun streaming through the stained glass between the shelves and falling across the old wooden pews is a thing of beauty.

Here I am inside the empty organ chamber with Peter, the bindery manager. This was one of the first nights of my internship, the day all the guts of the organ were removed, and we were all helping to clean junk off the floor so it could be swept and ready to begin the interior remodel. While we kept the lovely antique facade of the organ intact, the inside is now framed, insulated, and dry walled. It is ready to move on to the next stage....becoming a recording studio with the proper windows, soundproof design, and equipment! We will soon be consulting with an expert on the design, and we're asking God for the funds to continue the project. The goal is to have the studio completed for the Lamplighter Guild, which will be held here at the end of June.


As I mentioned before, I share an apartment with three other girls. Kayley is from Wisconsin. She and her brother Nathan are both interning here. Ann Elizabeth, the other intern, is from Mississippi. She's enjoying her first taste of a northern winter, for the most part, I think! Although it's not the most realistic taste with this weird winter. Alina is from a town in New York, a few hours from here. She came for the previous internship and felt God's call to stay on staff as the assistant bindery manager. Both Kayley and Alina were students at the 2015 Lamplighter Guild last July, so I had met them before. It's been fun getting to know them better.

So, what is a typical day like at Lamplighter Ministries? Not so typical. There is plenty of room for spontaneity and surprise....room for God to move! However, we always start the day with devotions and prayer as a group. Besides the interns, there are only a handful of staff who actually work at the headquarters. A lot of other people work for Lamplighter from remote locations. Despite the tiny team here, Lamplighter is becoming a far-reaching network across the globe! They just hired a guy to work full-time in shipping here. We are praying for an office manager who can help glue us all together....with a tiny staff and a new bunch of interns who don't really know what they are doing, things tend to be on the chaotic side! One of the overarching goals at Lamplighter is to do everything to the highest degree of excellence, and we want very much to achieve better organization in the office, but it's a great place for God to supply what we lack and show Himself strong in our weakness!

So yes, our days generally start at 8:30 A.M. with devotions and prayer, usually led by Mark Hamby, who is the founder and president of Lamplighter and the guy who does pretty much everything around here....although he acknowledges he can't do it all! He is a fantastic visionary, one of the most humble men I have met, and a passionate lover of the Word. His Bible studies are always rich and full of new meaning. That is my favorite part of the day. If I gain nothing else from my time here, I want to be ignited with ongoing, ever-deepening passion to love Jesus and drink deeply from the waters of life in His Word! After devotions, we hit the ground running! There is always so much to do. Ann Elizabeth and I have been spending the majority of our time working on various projects in the office, and sometimes going out on scouting missions with Mark to look at some property he wants to buy, or check out a lodging place we are reserving for the Guild, or sometimes to chase a sunset! We are helping a lot with preparations for the Guild. This is a huge event that usually takes an entire year of preparation, along with all the other irons Lamplighter has in the fire.....but this year, the decision to have the Guild was just made in early January! And whereas the Guild has usually been hosted at the Mohonk Mountain house in previous years, where a huge part of the responsibilities are taken care of by the Mohonk staff, this year the Guild will be hosted here in Mount Morris. So we have an impossible amount of planning and preparing and details to sort out by the end of June! There is housing to be secured, enough for one hundred students, plus staff and teachers and other guests. There are classroom locations to be sorted out, parking lots to be made, zoning regulations and other permits to obtain, remodeling to be done on some of the housing locations we already have or are potentially buying....not to mention the recording studio work that needs to progress, a rope challenge course to be built in the woods, books and books and more books to be made, and a conference season coming up in the spring!

Here I am in the office the first week, probably doing editing on the Guild website. There was a ton of stuff that had to be updated for this years' guild, being already several months behind! By the way, we've cleaned up that desk....it looks a lot better in the office now!

Sometimes we get pulled away from the office for a cleaning project, to work in the bindery, to help in shipping, or for any multitude of various and sundry other tasks. One day recently we got to help unload a skid of paper for the bindery. We built a stack taller than me with the paper on which the books will be printed! I have only spent a handful of days working in the bindery since the first week, but I've learned to use one machine confidently, which is the part of the process where you are putting the finished cover on the finished book block. It's the last step of the book, before it is inspected and sent to the shelf to await its destiny! That is my favorite job in the bindery so far, probably because it's the one I've done the most and I feel comfortable doing it.

This is getting long, but let me quickly share two major highlights of the last month. The first was a staff training/retreat that we had in Letchworth State Park last weekend. A lot of work went into pulling off this event, but we also had time to relax and get to know each other better as a staff. We hosted some guests, including Pastor Colin Smith, who is the most amazing Bible teacher I've ever heard. He brought his whole family and gave us a meaty feast on the Word during the weekend. We also participated in some training on how to function as a healthy staff, and did an exercise where we got an introduction to many of the favorite books in Mark's must-read library. It was a fun weekend, interspersed with singing, games, hiking, and a Saturday morning pancake contest! Despite Mark's boasting of his killer pancake-making skills, he was not voted the winner. Everyone did a great job though! It was a close race! Kayley creamed all of us with her amazing history knowledge in the game of Timeline. And I particularly enjoyed a ramble along this gorgeous little rushing stream cut through rock....umm, my pictures haven't made it off the card yet, but I'll post them on Facebook eventually.

The other highlight was the sort-of top secret meeting we hosted in our apartment with Mark, John Fornof, and Bob Liparulo, sharing ideas and top secret information regarding the life and history of Finnian Jones, who is featured in most of the Lamplighter Theatre audio dramas. This was a brainstorm meeting for the next ten years of Lamplighter dramas! It wasn't exactly secret because we decided to broadcast part of it on live-stream for Lamplighter friends to get in on the fun. The live-stream was successful, and all of us here enjoyed the evening immensely....especially since we get to be in the know about some stuff that no one else gets to hear!

Here's a shot from our live-stream meeting. This is in the "parlor" of our apartment. On the far left you can see writer Bob Liparulo, who I later realized wrote the Dreamhouse Kings series, which I read several years ago. That was a thrilling read, especially suited for teens and young adults! I'm sure he's written a lot more besides, and now he is also writing for Lamplighter Theatre. To Bob's right is Mark Hamby, the visionary behind it all and executive producer for the Theatre. Next to Mark is the incredible John Fornof, long-time writer for Adventures in Oddysey and now producer, director, and writer for Lamplighter Theatre. John is also an amazing guy to meet in person. Then we have Jen, a homeschool mom who has recently become involved in promotional writing for Lamplighter. Down in the right-hand corner is Angie, Peter's wife, and Peter is on the far right. He is the bindery manager. They and their three young children moved to Mount Morris over a year ago to work with Lamplighter.

Ok, I think that gives you a pretty well-rounded picture of what I've been up to this past month! It's been a wild ride, and I think it's going to get wilder! I will be here for at least two more months, Lord willing. Thanks for hanging with me....I hope you enjoyed it!