Come As A Child

A few days ago we visited Jotham's Center, a home for street boys. It's further up in the mountains in a rural area. People stare at a white person everywhere you go, but in this area we are even more of a novelty. You frequently hear them using a word which means "white person". I quote from the movie "Friendship's Field"... "Now I know how Marilyn Monroe feels."
There are 24 boys living at Jotham's Center. Their living quarters is very simple and primitive. They have two bedrooms for the boys, 12 in each room. 3 Bunkbeds in each room. The boys double up on each bunk. When the center was started back in January they had to sleep on the floor, which is now concrete but used to be dirt. The boys keep their few belongings and any extra clothes they have in feed sacks which they hang around the room. We brought shorts and t-shirts that had been sent or Chuck and Debby had bought. The t-shirts are throw-aways from the U.S., stuff the Goodwill stores won't use. They buy them in huge bundles, all different sizes. To these boys who are wearing the same clothes for months, dirty and tattered, our "throw-aways" are like new. They were so excited! Here the boys are lined up outside, waiting to go in two at a time to pick out their new clothes.


Each boy received a new pair of shorts and two shirts. We also handed out chewing gum.


They really don't speak English, but they know "thank you" and they all used it. Afterwards we took pictures of all of them in their new clothes.

Then they prayed to thank God for the clothes and to pray for us. I wish you could hear them. I don't know where each boy is in his faith and relationship with God, but they have next to nothing and the only thing they can have for sure is faith in the God who loves them, sees them, and wants to be their Father. With the simple faith of children who are living off the bare essentials and depending on others to help them survive, they prayed earnestly to the God they are learning to know. They all pray at once and it is such a beautiful thing to watch and to hear. They are not looking around to see what others are doing or if anyone is watching; each one is caught up in his own sincere heart cry to the Father. They may not know much, but I have a feeling they have greater faith than we may ever have in our material comfort and self-dependence. May our Father, our Provider, our Life bring us into total dependence on Himself. For it is only in knowing our poverty that we can become truly rich.

Who Am I?

I am humbled. I do not see myself as a minister for God. I know all my weaknesses, everything that holds me back. I know my own lack of love and concern for souls. It is incredibly humbling to know that as I have opened up my life and this new experience to my friends through this blog, there are many people "watching" me, and not just people who know me anymore. Now my limited musings are being shared with others who I have never met and have the potential to impact their lives! Oh, I don't mind people sharing it with others who would be interested, but to be honest it scares me a little. Just to know that the only impression some of my readers have of me is whatever I choose to express in these writings. And I don't see anything spectacular in my life or in what I am doing with it that would be able to draw others closer to Jesus. But on second thought, it's better that way. If I thought I was anything it would be pride and God would not get the glory. So let me assure you, if you see anything here that touches or impresses you, it is Jesus Christ! May He keep me constantly in the mind that I am nothing but His vessel, created for His use, just as we would use a chair, a fork, or a pair of scissors. I was thinking about the beautiful but dusty red roads of Kigali. It reminds me of the dust from which we were made and also the clay that is used to make vessels. I am simply an ordinary clay pot. "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us." 2 Cor. 3:7 I do not really know what I am doing here, but God does! After all, does your pot know what you are doing with it? Do you suppose (if it had a mind), that it might wonder if you are going to make soup today or if you are going to boil a chicken? I don't have to know what my Maker is doing! He is going to do what He has planned and my weakness is not big enough to stand in His way! In fact, my weakness makes room for Him to work! I am reading a book written by a survivor of the genocide in Rwanda. As he is telling about how God began to use him in the years since the genocide, he makes an awesome statement: "When I offer up my lack, there is much more room for God to make up the difference." It doesn't matter what you or I lack; it could be anything. If I lack love, wisdom, understanding, and the ability to relate comfortably with people, then God is able to bring in His strength in direct proportion to my lack! So the more we can come to the brokenness and humility of our own desperate need and shortcomings, the more God can move and become visible in our lives. Thank you, my friends, for listening! It really helps me to have to think through these things so I can try to put it in words for you. It is a sort of accountability; after all, no man is an island. This trip is not just something for me to experience in the safety and privacy of my own thoughts and perspective and keep it to myself. It is a testimony to the work of God that needs to be shared with others and, in turn, others can encourage me with their perspectives that see things I can't see, and that will help me to grow more. What a blessing to have relationships! We need each other! As the body of Christ we are to encourage one another and build each other up as we grow up together into Christ, who is the head of the body. So thank you all so much for being there! I have much more to share but it will have to wait for later, and hopefully I'll be able to get some pictures up as well!

Down Rwandan Roads

I am here! I arrived in Kigali safely and all in one piece. I feel like I've stepped into another world. There are so many thoughts and feelings I don't know where to begin! Then there is this issue with the electricity. Some days it is fine; some days it is on and off all day. As goes the power, so goes the internet connection. So my posts will have to be kept brief for a better chance of getting them up here!
This place is a strange mixture of progress, beauty, and poverty. Everything is built on hills surrounded by more hills. The roads in the main part of the city are paved, then turn into stone and then red dirt as you go up to Chuck and Debby's neighborhood. All the houses are surrounded by high walls. Because of this they say you don't really get to know your neighbors; instead you meet people out and about and then find out where they live. The walls are to prevent thievery. The street kids and others who are struggling to survive will pick up anything they can find and get away with. But they are not out to hurt anyone, they simply want to survive. Most people also have watchmen, especially at night, which discourages anyone from sneaking in. The weather is amazing, coming from cold Ohio! It gets down to the 60s some mornings and up in the 70s and 80's by afternoon. everything is so different here. I will do my best to keep you all posted but as I said internet availability is touch and go. So long for now and thanks for the prayers!

God: The Awe-inspirer

Well, my friends, the time is almost upon me! In just about 14 hours from the time of this post I will be in the air for Africa! I thank God and all of you for allowing me the privilege to have this incredible experience... and I have no doubt it will be incredible! Today I consider myself to be one most blessed... I have felt such love from the people around me and I have been showered with blessings just because I'm taking this journey. I wish all of you could go with me, but you will be with me in my heart and your prayers are the most important part of however God chooses to use me and what He works in my life through this experience. I want to share a Scripture God spoke to me a few days ago. I was reading in Exodus 33, starting with verse 12 where Moses is talking to God about leading the people of Israel and He basically says, You told me to lead these people, but how? and God tells Him, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Then Moses says(my paraphrase), Lord, if you don't go with us, don't make us go at all. How else will people know that Your favor is on us, because this is what will set us apart from all the other people on earth. And God tells Moses that He will do what he asks and He reaffirms to him, "you have found favor in My sight, and I know you by name." This passage was special to me years ago when I was preparing to go into a training program to learn to mentor troubled kids. I was scared and feeling that I had nothing to offer to these kids, and my heart echoed Moses' words: God, if You don't go with me and put Your hand on me with power, don't make me do this at all." And I claimed God's promise to Moses as my own. I can't say there were any shining results from that time or that I came home any better qualified for discipling people, but I know God walked me through it and taught me a lot just in the experience and in seeing Him uphold me through my weakness. So I went back to this passage because I was thinking about how it applies to this journey in Rwanda. Again, I wonder: How can I possibly relate to the Rwandan people and what they've been through with the genocide 15 years ago and all the residual consequences and pain of that time? What do I have to offer them? How can I hope to make a difference to anyone I encounter, even as I'm traveling and then during my stay in Rwanda? After I looked at the verses I continued skimming the chapter and turned the page to chapter 34, and these words caught me: verse 10: And the Lord responded: "Look, I am making a covenant. I will perform wonders in the presence of all your people that have never been done in all the earth or in any nation. All the people you live among will see the Lord's work, for what I am doing with you is awe-inspiring." That last phrase went straight to my heart and I sensed the strong assurance of God that what He wants to do in me during this adventure is something that will inspire awe in the people around me. And people will know that it is God's doing. And it's just so unbelievable that God would want to show His glory through me in awesome ways, but isn't that the purpose for which He created each and every one of us? And He desires to transform us into the image of His Son, that we may be true to His original intent. Isn't that wondrous? I just had to share it!
Thank you again to each one of you who are taking this journey with me and will be covering me in prayer as I travel tomorrow. By the way, comments really should work now. I thought I knew how I wanted the settings, but it wasn't working that way, so I changed it and it turned out to be okay. It worked when I tried it, so comment away! Love to all!

Just wanted to see if I could make the photo post work. It's sure gonna be slow trying to do it in Rwanda! This is a shot of family last Christmas. don't mind the guy in front in the red shirt. That's just David being typical David. He was upset about something, didn't want to stand for pictures?

Are You Living On Purpose?

For anyone who tried to post on here and it didn't work, it should work now. :)

I thought I'd share with you a song that really hit me between the eyes a few months ago when I realized that so much of my life and my walk with Jesus had become lifeless compliance... I was just going through the motions, trying to get by, to keep my head above water each day. Since then the words of this song have been the cry of my heart and I know that this trip to Africa is one step in making a change. But praise Jesus, He's already made some major changes in my heart and now I truly desire to live on purpose. I'm not saying I've learned yet, but His faithfulness and love in getting the truth from my head to my heart has given me new reason for living and I want to live it to the fullest! I know Jesus and I are walking together, no matter what! The song is called "The Motions" and it's by Matthew West.

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break
Atleast I'll be feeling something
Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna live one more day
Without Your all-consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

Take me all the way (take me all the way)
Take me all the way (I don't wanna go through the motions)
Take me all the way (Lord I'm finally feeling something real)

That is what I want Him to do. Take me all the way. No more of this half-hearted commitment. No more living for the things that will pass away. No more quailing before the enemy's lies. Oh, I've only just entered boot camp and I don't want anyone to think I've become some spiritual super warrior. As Paul said and I'm sure I'll still be saying 50 years from now(if I'm still here), "Not that I have already reached the goal(to know Christ intimately) or am already fully mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also HAVE BEEN TAKEN HOLD OF BY CHRIST JESUS. Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:12-14 By the grace of God I'm going to stand up and fight and I'm going to spend the rest of my life seeking and loving Him with all I've got! Why? Because He chose me and called me to be His before I even existed! Because He loved me first and He took hold of me! Thank you my Prince Jesus!

Why Am I Me?

Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be somebody. Anybody. As long as it was somebody great, somebody special, somebody I admired. As far back as I can remember I wanted to be someone else. Often it was a peer or an person of my own imagining out of a compilation of different people. I dreamed of having all sorts of talents, abilities, adventure, and charisma. I could be anything I wanted, do anything I wanted, look however I wanted in my imagination. This didn't stop as I grew up, it simply grew with me. Discontent, comparison, envy. Even though I learned all about self-acceptance, I just couldn't make it real for me. I've believed so many lies about myself that have colored how I think God and especially other people see me. The only cure for self-rejection is the Truth of God applied directly to the heart. I think He's starting to get through.
Recently I was on a weekend retreat at a beautiful West Virginia farm with some other ladies. There was a certain hill on this farm where three crosses have been placed. The owners of the retreat home arranged a hayride to take us up to the crosses. We had a beautiful evening, but as I met the owners and some of their family and watched them the familiar feelings crept in. I admired them: their warm personality, their knack of hospitality, the gorgeous setting they live in. I felt myself wanting to be like them and to live that life of the mountain country farm. As I got alone later that night I kept thinking and wondering why I couldn't have a different life. Why did God make me who I am; why did He put me in the life and the place I'm in? Doesn't He care that I would have fit so much better in something else? And then it hit me. The lie I've believed all my life. I believed that I don't fit. That God's special purpose for me is not real. And because of this I'll never be anything special. The pain hit the bullseye in my heart. I began to pour out the lies to God. And as I asked my deep questions, searching for meaning in the life I'm living, He spoke to me. Ten beautiful words, straight from the Word. "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." It was like God's arms went around me and He touched my pain with the soothing balm of His love. It made me cry. Especially since these words are from a passage that was special to me years ago, when I was a young teen with a new hunger for the Word of God. It comes from Jeremiah chapter 1. God speaks to the young man about being chosen and set apart for a unique calling. He's basically saying, I chose you before you even existed to be Mine! He goes on to say that before you were born, He sanctified you, or set you apart. That means being created and called for something very specific and very special. Whatever God sets apart for Himself is holy. It is of the highest value. It cannot be worthless. It cannot be meaningless. It cannot be left to chance. And His purpose cannot be derailed by our human frailty. Isn't that awesome? God appointed Jeremiah to be His spokesman and to rule over nations through the unerring truth of God's judgment and mercy. He has appointed me to be someone. He has appointed you to be someone. Just think about the fact that God created us in His own image! That alone makes us something incredibly special! Even if I would come to the end of life having done nothing of consequence in the eyes of the world, I would still have been a showcase of the glory of God and a delight to His heart. He made us for relationship with Himself and to simply express His glory. We don't have to do anything spectacular to fulfill that purpose. We have only to seek after Him with our everything. I choose to believe that I do fit in God's amazing story of grace and He has a special way just for me to show Him to the world. The wound is beginning to heal.